It's Like This

It's a constant struggle. 

Everyday. 

Waking up.

Pretending to be something I'm not.

Today.

Today was the day I realized how

Truly unhappy I am.

How much I would rather be someone else.

Anyone else.

But I'm me.

And I hate it.

I hated how lazy I was being.

Getting fatter.

So I got up and cleaned.

My half of the room.

Sister's half.

Our bedroom

Washed clothes. 

Sat down, and felt empty.

Pitied myself. 

So tell me. How do you go about changing your attitude? How do you fix yourself when you know that how you are acting is hurting other people and you just don't care. How do you get past the childish behavior and grow up enough to make your causes your responsibility. Tell me this. How you get past blaming other people when it so obviously your fault. How do you cross that line between child to adult. How do you? Tell me, I'd really like to know. I'm tired of living the way I am.